📡 Laidley and the Four Noble Truths of Mobile Coverage - Satire

A satirical community story about ACMA’s new reception categories for mobiles. 

Opening beat — the reclassification

Laidley wakes up one morning to discover that ACMA has introduced a new national standard for mobile coverage.

Four categories. One destiny.

    Good — mythical

    Moderate — aspirational

    Basic — character‑building

    No coverage — Laidley’s old friend

The town gathers around the new map like it’s a weather chart predicting emotional outcomes.

    “We’ve been upgraded,” someone says.

    “To what?”

    “To ‘Basic’.”

    “Ah. So… still us.”

Act I — The dB Revelation

Anything below –115 dBm must now be labelled “no coverage.” People nod politely, pretending they know what that means. One bloke at the pub claims dB stands for “don’t bother.” Another insists it’s “dead battery.” A third says it’s “definitely Brisbane,” because that’s where all the good signal goes.

Act II — The Harry Potter Telco Sorting Ceremony

Under the new rules, telcos must all use the same categories. This is revolutionary. It’s like forcing three rival siblings to finally agree on what “clean your room” means.

The map sorts Laidley into Basic, with pockets of No Coverage near the creek, the cemetery, and anywhere someone urgently needs to send a photo.

We'll treat the categories like personality types:

    Good: “You’re probably from Toowoomba.”

    Moderate: “You have potential.”

    Basic: “You’re resilient, hydrated, and patient.”

    No Coverage: “You walk among legends.”

Act III — The Lived Reality Clause

ACMA’s fine print says that even in “no coverage,” you might still get a call through.

We get this as:

    “If you stand on the tank stand, face the paddock, hold your phone at a 37‑degree angle, and whisper ‘please,’ you might get one bar.”

People begin comparing their personal “signal rituals” like folk remedies. One resident claims the best reception is achieved by standing next to the Hills Hoist during a southerly. Another swears the signal improves if you pretend you’re not trying.

Act IV — The Existential Crisis

The town realises the new map isn’t describing the signal. It’s describing them. Laidley has always been a “Basic” town with “No Coverage” moods.

The map simply made it official.

    “We’re not losing reception,” someone says.

    “We’re gaining clarity.”

Closing beat — The Moral

The new ACMA rules didn’t change Laidley’s mobile coverage. They just changed the story Laidley tells about it. And in a world where telcos once coloured the map however they liked, there’s something comforting about a national standard that finally admits:

Sometimes the signal just can’t be bothered!

Volvo Electric Trucks Alleviate Australia’s Fuel Shortages

Electric Trucks Alleviate Australia’s Fuel Shortages — Potential for Greater Impact

Electric trucks are already helping ease Australia’s fuel supply pressures, and with supportive regulations, their role could expand significantly.

Key Details:

🔸 Electric trucks are currently contributing to reducing fuel dependency in Australia.

🔸 Regulatory improvements could unlock greater adoption and impact.

🔸 The shift supports broader energy resilience and sustainability goals.

🔸 Why It Matters: Strategic policy support can accelerate the transition to electric freight, reducing fuel strain and emissions.

For more information visit:

https://www.volvotrucks.com.au/en-au/news/press-releases/2026/mar/electric-trucks-australia-fuel-savings.html

The Myna in the Coal Mine

Most people talk about common mynas like they’re feathered villains, but I’ve started to see them differently — not as invaders, but as indicators. Like canaries in a coal mine, their behaviour tells us more about the environment than it does about the birds themselves.

When “Environmentalism” Becomes a Slur, and Other Strange Things Humans Do

Every now and then I see people use environmentalist like it’s an insult — as if caring about the place you literally live in is some fringe hobby. It’s funny in a way, because everyone is an environmentalist whether they like it or not. You breathe the air. You drink the water. You live in the ecosystem. You don’t get to opt out.

But this mindset — that humans are somehow separate from the environment — is exactly why we end up with blunt, fear‑driven policies about wildlife. And nothing illustrates this better than the way councils talk about common (Indian) mynas.

The Myna Panic vs. The Myna Reality

If you read the headlines, you’d think mynas are feathered supervillains:

- aggressive  

- predatory  

- destructive  

- “one of the world’s worst pests”  

But if you actually watch them — really watch them — the story is different.

At my place, the local mynas:

- are shy around humans  

- flock together at night for safety  

- coexist peacefully with the other birds  

- even alerted me to a snake in the yard  

That’s not the behaviour of a species “taking over.”  

That’s the behaviour of a species trying to survive.

Aggression Isn’t a Personality Trait — It’s a Stress Response

Animals don’t become aggressive because they’re morally bad.  

They become aggressive because the environment is out of tune.

When the environment is:

- overcrowded  

- hollow‑poor  

- food‑scarce  

- unpredictable  

…mynas flip into defensive, competitive behaviour.

But when the environment is:

- stable  

- spacious  

- food‑secure  

- socially diverse  

…they relax. They integrate. They participate in the local alarm network. They behave exactly like the birds in my yard.

The problem isn’t the species.  

The problem is the unkilted environment we’ve created.

Why Fear Spreads Faster Than Observation

There’s a reason the “invasive pest” narrative travels so easily:  

it hits the human brainstem.

Fear is fast.  

Fear is sticky.  

Fear requires no thought.

A calm, contextual explanation — “their behaviour depends on environmental pressure” — doesn’t trigger the same instinct. It requires people to think, observe, and accept nuance. That’s a harder sell.

So the fear story wins, even when it’s wrong.

The 1950s Called — They Want Their Wildlife Policy Back

A lot of councils still operate on a mid‑century model:

- nature is a machine  

- humans are the operators  

- animals are good or bad  

- “bad” species must be removed  

It’s simple. It’s tidy. It’s outdated.

Modern ecology says something very different:

- behaviour is context‑dependent  

- stress creates aggression  

- stability creates cooperation  

- ecosystems self‑regulate when conditions are right  

My yard is proof of that.  

The mynas aren’t invaders — they’re participants.

Maybe the Real Solution Isn’t Killing Birds — It’s Fixing the Environment

If we want calmer, more cooperative wildlife, the answer isn’t traps.  

It’s:

- reducing food waste  

- restoring hollows  

- stabilising habitats  

- supporting native species  

- lowering ecological stress  

When the environment is balanced, the behaviour is balanced.

It’s not radical.  

It’s not ideological.  

It’s just ecology.

The Punchline

Calling someone an “environmentalist” like it’s a slur is absurd.  

You live in the environment.  

You depend on it.  

You’re part of it.

And the birds — even the ones with bad PR — are responding to the same environmental cues we are.

If we fix the environment, we fix the behaviour.  

It’s that simple.  

It’s that obvious.  

And somehow, it’s the part that gets ignored.

Continual Blackouts List 2026

2026 brings a continued array of blackouts to the Lockyer Valley region.

Lets hope this list doesn't grow more and that they sort out the network issues. 

4pm-6pm 18/1/2026 several. 

4am 25/1/2026 one.

6pm 25/1/2026 one.

4:10pm, 4:18pm 12/02/2026.

Support local industry!

You might of seen a flurry of green and gold banners splashed across the media landscape. But really, it's as simple as buying local.

I love my coffee, theirs a few places we can get it in Laidley now. So when I was at Woolies and saw the price of coffee spiking, I thought what about the coffee shops, do they stock it as well? Yes, of course. 

So I now purchase my bags locally, they get my business and I hope they also get to stay as a business. 

So when in Laidley, think to yourself, can I buy it locally first? Because your purchase leads to that business having local work, having local employment opportunities. If you buy local, you're making someone's life a little bit easier. 

Places I go to. 

Evolve Coffee Co, Kia-Ora, 107 Patrick St, Laidley QLD 4341.

Grace Eats, 152 Patrick St, Laidley QLD 4341.

Laidley Florist and Tea Room, 107-111 Patrick St, Laidley QLD 4341.

Evolve Coffee Update 

They now close at 12pm.

Another shop closure: Mitre 10 Laidley

So,

Mitre 10; It was such a wonderful store, people not only got what they needed but people would talk to each other. Retirement was the driver of the closure, ending a classic styled store.

This adds to another closure, the coffee shop in the Laidley strip with the second hand store moving because of flooding and lack of foot traffic. 

Let's hope that the new tenancies will be successful and fit well in the social fabric of Laidley.

The second hand shops have everything from glassware, clothing and dinner sets, even double, queen and king sized mattress's and bed frames. 

Please shop locally, you'll be surprised to see what you can find.

Theirs a problem with Bat's!

Have you seen the Valley's sky's filled up with Flying Foxes? Well in 2024 around 8,000 bat's and lorikeet's have had a mysterious paralysis condition. As a result theirs orphans are being cared for by volunteers.

December to February seem to be the worst times. Researchers still don't know but suspect their is a a toxin in the environment. 

Theirs also been a lot of burnout in the industry as changes in the environment have made this problem worse. 

If you're interested in finding out more, contact Bats Queensland.